A lot of this chapter is about facing our fears. Fears of being honest with how we have lived so far. Fears about our own limitations. Fears about the future. Fears...fears...fears!
Smith writes, "It takes courage to pursue our vocation, the courage to be - the courage to be true to who we are, even if that means living on the edge, living with risk, living with less security and less influence and less power - because to pursue our vocation means that we have chosen the way that is true to who we are, true to ourselves, true to our call" (pg 123).
This summer I am working through what I feel to be God's new call to me to learn and practise the art of Spiritual Direction. For me this means making my life smaller rather than bigger. It means learning to take a long, loving look at what is real in my life so that I can help others do the same. Practically, what this means is having to say "no" to things I love that fill up space. I am told I need space in my life to pursue this call. One of the books I am reading lays out a process of discernment in which they ask you to place yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life at the descision you are currently making. From this end of your life perspective, what do you wish you had chosen? In a way it is asking, "What regrets do you NOT want to have?"
Courage...I guess we have gotten to the meaning behind the title of the book.
Quote: "Acknowledging our fears does not in itself make us courageous or justify our actions. But it is a start. When we acknowledge our fears, we can ask if they are legitimate; we can ask if we are really living in faith, hope, and love, or whether our fears are nothing more than rationalizations for actions tat are less than noble" (pg 122-124).
Ok..go for it...Honestly...can you name some of the primary fears you have that might be holding you back from embracing your vocation? And...realistically...are there ways you can be gentle with yourself and help yourself begin to overcome some of these fears?
Thanks for sharing.
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Well, I have decided to go ahead and get my Washington State Teaching license and go back to work. I really do miss it. I don't know if it is reading this book or that I am finally healing from the emotional scaring of my Hawaiian teaching stint -- maybe both. God is preparing me for the next step.
ReplyDeleteHonesty: Since Jim stepped down from pastoring the church (pgs. 117-118 "Courage and Wisdom"), I've felt a little lost regarding my vocation. I had found a way to express my vocation through the worship team and encouraging hope (my gift and perhaps calling). I went back to work out of financial necessity in a job I never thought I would have. However, I've found I can express my vocation in any place the Lord has me. The expression of vocation is different, but it's there and just as authentic (I hope). I now find myself evaluating the things in which I am involved to ask God if this is where He really wants me at this time. My main focus is family. That has become even more real to me lately. I've decided to "resign" from my volunteer leadership of the 4-H club. However, I still feel a draw to 4-H and its mission. I will still be involved as Secretary of the Leader's Council and volunteer to help the leaders somehow. Not sure what that looks like...it's not a "typical volunteer position" though. I will also continue to help teach the Community Women's Bible Study as much as I can. I find great joy in this ministry. I've yet to come out of a morning of study feeling less than filled with God's hope, encouragement and challenged. It's not the act of teaching...it's the ability to express my gift of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteI have, however missed my involvement with the worship team. I have had a dream since I was a little girl. I have desired to be in a band...a band that sings upbeat songs that help people feel good. I would stand in front of my parents' hi-fi singing the Carpenters "I'm on Top of the World" at the top of my lungs into a hair brush. Since I've come to live for Christ, the dream has remained, but the purpose has changed...to sing songs that give people the hope of a life redeemed through Christ. They don't have to be "Christian" songs, but songs that open the door to hope in Him. I ache inside for this again. So, I wait...PATIENCE. Some lines that spoke to me on pages 119 and 120: "When it comes to vocation, one of the great temptations is to think that what we are called to do must have particular expression immediately...He is never in a hurry...we do not need to grasp arter (our vocation) or grab opportunities prematurely...for now our priority is these children given to us by God...enjoying and learning from the moment and serving in the opportunities that are given to us...Patience means that we wait with grace withoutbemoaning lost time, without assuming that time is being wasted."
So, I wait...listening to music...worshipping Him in the presence of just us. Now, that's sweet!
Failure. I was so soundly rejected in Hawaii that it completely negated my career to that point. I am only coming to realize now that that is only because I let it. I went in with unreal expectations and ended up in a bewilderingly hostile environment. It is only now, while reading this book, that I am thinking through and processing the experience rather than just reacting to it.
ReplyDeleteThank you to both Cathy and Quilly for sharing so deeply about how God is moving in your heart with regard to vocation. This book is a real prode to think in new ways.
ReplyDeleteBecce